Nick Jordan

Last night was our first gig, courtesy of Camden Calling. I’d been extremely nervous but as it turned out I needn’t have been. There were one or two fluffs but essentially we did really well. It was Jenni’s birthday, too, so before we started there was a cake, bubbles in lieu of candles, and a rousing chorus of ‘Happy Birthday To You’. We played all six of the songs we’d decided to cover, the audience favourite being our slow, acoustic version of Britney Spears’ ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’, which went over very well indeed. The best news of all is that we’ve been asked to play again, which was my criterion for judging the evening a success, so I’m very pleased. A huge thanks to Alexis and Camden Calling for having faith and putting us on unauditioned.

You can find the complete set of photos here.

Yesterday evening I went to the doctor regarding my depression, taking my friend Jenni along for moral support and because she’s good at asking awkward questions. Anyway, the doctor was very nice and very understanding and has prescribed antidepressants (Citalopram Hydrobromide) and is referring me for counselling. That’s pretty much what I wanted, so I really can’t complain. I’m going to pick up the tablets today, and I’ll let you know how I get on with them. I’m told they should start to kick in in two or three weeks, which isn’t too long to wait.

Interesting article in which the writer tries out the NHS’ new computerised Cognitive Behaviour Therapy system and finds that, while it’s no substitute for proper face-to-face sessions, it does have its uses.

This week is Mind Week, and this year the focus is on men’s mental health. Being a man (yes, I know – incredible as it may seem I am one), I know all too well how tough it can be to talk about feelings and to seek help if we have mental health problems or worries. It’s only very recently that I’ve been able to open up somewhat about my own problems. Indeed, this coming Friday I have an appointment with my GP, the first official step I’ve ever taken. I find myself very concerned about what treatment I may receive but even more concerned about what might happen to me if I do nothing.

Anyway, I hadn’t intended this post to be about me. What I wanted to say is simply that, whoever you are, if you have problems, seek help. It’s not wussy, it’s not whiny, it’s sensible.

I’ve come back today from a week’s holiday in Scotland (did you miss me?) with friends Steve and Jen. I’ve had a lovely time seeing all manner of castles and lochs (no sign of Nessie), but I really don’t think I need to go into detail. Suffice to say it was mostly fun, if a bit cold and wet at times. The places we stayed in were all very comfortable and, yes, I bought a bottle of decent whisky, which I shall enjoy at leisure.

It’s time for a small confession. This feels oddly like I would imagine coming out does. Anyway, here it is. I suffer from quite severe depression, and have for my entire adult life. In fact, it goes back even earlier than that, to my teens. I have, in the past, made an attempt at suicide which was stopped. I think about suicide a great deal, and have on occasion been to the brink of doing it. This is not an attempt at whingeing, and I’m not looking for sympathy here, I’m just stating some facts. It’s not my only mental health problem: I have mild OCD, for example, but it’s the one I’ve chosen to talk about here because it affects so many people. Yes, I do realise I’m not alone in this.

Fortunately for me I find myself surrounded by friends who are incredibly kind and supportive. I won’t name names here – they know who they are. I’ve rarely talked about it until fairly recently but things have changed. Events in my life have forced me to finally do something about it, which is one of the reasons for this post. My intention is to seek professional help and, I think, post about it here if I feel it might be useful, either for me or for someone else reading it. So, in amongst the usual stuff about what I’ve been up to and what I’m thinking about there’ll be some other stuff. Just ignore it if you’re not interested.