Nick Jordan

St John’s ready for flying cheese. This is the kind of thing that makes this country what it is - barking mad but wonderful. I really couldn’t live anywhere else, at least not for long. Beautiful landscape, fascinating history, lunatic inhabitants and wonderful traditional music. What more could anyone want?

Notorious egg collector falls from tree and dies. Maybe there is something to the idea of Karma after all.

Talking of which, there used to be a shop in Minehead that had a sign on the wall which read, ‘Due to the universal law of Karma, shoplifters will be burgled.’ Well, it amused me.

Apparently there’s now a crocodile farm in Cambridgeshire. If any of them ever escape it’ll make a day out in the countryside a whole lot more interesting. Picnic, anyone?

I spent Tuesday working from home. It was the first time I’d ever done it and it was great! I got absolutely loads done, listened to music all day while I worked and didn’t have the bother and expense of travelling. I wouldn’t want to do it every day as I think I’d go stir-crazy - I need some social interaction now and again. I shall definitely do it again when circumstances permit, though.

You know how sometimes you get a word stuck in your head? I’m experiencing that today with the word ‘ferruginous’, which means rust-coloured. It’s a splendid word. Roll it around on your tongue. Try to slip it into conversations. Ponder it for a bit.

In other, possibly not entirely unrelated, news - I’m feeling rather delicate this morning. I didn’t suffer from hangovers when I was young and foolish but now that I’m old and stupid I find that I do and it’s not fun. I’ve taken the obligatory paracetamol and I’ll try to drink plenty of water while I laze around in front of the TV. I’m so glad I don’t have to do much today and that I’m off work tomorrow.

If you like English folk music (as I do) you’ll be pleased to know that there’s a monthly podcast devoted to it. I’ve become a regular listener and I urge you to do the same and support the two fine gentlemen, Phil Widdows and Ken Nicol, who run it.

Today at work I noticed that there’s a stapler in the kitchen. A red one, if that matters. Does anyone know what kind of food needs to be stapled? Oh, and no jokes about staple diets, please.

According to the BBC, a think-tank has said that everyone in Britain should be forced to vote. That’s nonsense. The right to vote is extremely important, but so is the right not to. It’s called ‘freedom of choice’. I choose not to vote until there’s somebody standing for election who’s worth voting for, and I will defend, violently if necessary, my freedom to do so.